Happy National Coming Out Day!

The National Coming Out Day on Facebook

Today is the National Coming Out Day and I decided to blog about it to show my support. 

I can't even begin to imagine the fears going through the minds of closeted people. Coming is often easier said than done. Some people grow up in closed-minded communities. There's fear of rejection from families, friends, school mates, work buddies, church, fellow hobby people, and the whole community. Coming out in one country can be easier than coming out in another. Coming out in an area of a city can be more difficult than coming out in another area of the same city. There are so many factors to consider for people who are considering coming out. What they all have in common though is the fear of being discovered and the fear of being rejected. Many even hate themselves for being who they are. Many just want to die.

It's easy to say just forget about everything and come out! You'll feel so much better! True, some people do feel better after coming out, but there are others who lose their whole support network.

Am I saying stay in the closet? No, I'm saying come out in your own time, when you're ready. Try to remember that things will get better and easier in the future. Someday being LGBT will be considered as natural as being black or white. Remember that those who discriminate and try to stop the progress of LGBT rights are living on the wrong side of history. Just hang in there :) If all else fails and you're old enough, move to a gay-friendly city and find a new life along with new friends. Hey, if you came out and everything is falling apart around you, you have nothing to lose, right?

But wait, I can being to imagine what it's like. I do know a little bit about being in the closet. I write m/m books and although I don't expect to be shunned for it, I don't always say what exactly it is that I write. Why? Because I write erotic romance, and when people hear gay literature, they immediately jump to erotica (it's just how thing are right now, if people hear "GLBT" most will think "sex"). I'm a shy person by nature. I always have been. People assume I'm a little goodie-goodie who would never even have erotic thoughts! However, it's been 10 months since I published my first m/m and I have started to tell people little by little. One person here, one person there. I have never, ever gotten a negative reaction. I don't know if it's the fact that people are just generally interested that I'm writing stories and publishing in the USA or if they're just okay with m/m. Many ask "why" and I answer "because it interests me". Those who are closest to me know what I write. People who I meet and ask me about what I do get to hear that I write books. I leave it at that unless they ask more (and then I say, directly translated: I write romance stories about two men).

I've been wondering if I should announce it on my personal facebook timeline, but I've been holding back because my sons will start school next year and we live in a small town. I can just hear the other kids make fun of them for what I write. If I were living in the city I would have no qualms about announcing my career - even to the people who live in this small town (a town I grew up in). The city gives a certain anonymity and not everyone knows who you are and it's unlikely that the kids at school would ever hear about what I write. That's not the case in my small town. So I'm staying in the closet with one foot out for now. Maybe next year I'll decided to to announce it, but I feel that now is not the time. 

Gay Players: Sexual Liberty

One of Jessica's books. Isn't it gorgeous??

Hi guys :)

Sorry for having you over just to send you on to another site! I wrote a guest blog for Jessica Freely's blog: Friskbiskit where I'm talking about gay players and sexual liberty in fiction. As those who have read my books know, my guys have often been around the block and although I shouldn't have to defend it - because there's nothing wrong with it - I wanted to explain my view.

As some of you know, this dude's a major player
and enjoys sex very much!
He's also unapologetic about it. 

The Icelander in Me

I think it‘s time I explain a few things about myself. I was born and raised in Iceland. I lived in Denmark for three and a half years, but other than that – and some overseas vacations – I've been in Iceland, around Icelanders my entire life. 

The thing about Icelanders is that we‘re pretty straight forward people with straight forward humor. That means a lot of things, but I‘m going to talk about two: taboos and humor.

Iceland is very advanced when it comes to taboos. That is to say, for not having many taboos. Iceland is first and foremost in Europe, where there are less taboos than in the USA, and Iceland is also a part of the Nordic countries where there are even less taboos than in a lot of other European countries. 

I was a teen when Iceland‘s biggest pop star, Paul Oscar, became popular. He was a phenomena that no one had seen in Iceland before (or since). He not only had unique music, but he was gay and proud of it. He has helped push things out of the closet when it comes to LGBTQ talk and today LGBTQ talk isn't taboo at all in Iceland. It is freely discussed in media and among people. It is why I sometimes discuss LGBTQ matters that make some people take a step back...and ask if I have a right to discuss these matters. This makes me stop and think every time because while the discussion may seem innocent to me, it may be a sensitive matter for other people, so I start to wonder if I should really be discussing it. But then there's the fact that everyone has a right to discuss whatever they want to, as long as they're not harming other people while doing it.

There are other things that are in no way taboo here, like the talk of sex. We don’t even hide that sort of talk from our teenagers. Most of us don’t even freak out if our kids catch a glimpse of something erotic, not that we’re actually showing them pictures of naked people - of course not; they’re children - but it wouldn’t be the end of the world if they accidentally caught a glimpse of it. 

Now, humor: Danish humor is not unlike the Icelandic humor: a bit sarcastic, jabbing, and make-fun-of-yourself. Like the Danes, Icelanders have a knack for making fun of themselves. We’ve pretty much had to, since we’ve lived under very harsh conditions since the settlement years. It is said that joking makes life easier, and I believe this has been a motto for many Icelanders through the decades.

Until World War II we were pretty isolated from the world. It’s a small country, 300,000 people’ish today (probably around 230,000 in WWII), and when you meet someone new it’s pretty much guaranteed you’ll have a joined acquaintance. With that kind of familiarity it’s easy to see how the jabbing humor has developed, like it would between siblings. Almost anything goes and not many things are off limits when it comes to joking. What I’m trying to say here is that I’ll joke about things, and talk about subjects without much reserve. To some it may seem insensitive, but it’s not meant that way. I realize not everyone’s humor is like this – far from it – but I’m hoping by explaining this that people will take my humor in stride and not take the things I say personally. I try to be careful, considerate to the fact that this kind of humor is...weird and offensive to different cultures/people, but sometimes things slip out before I can stop myself.

So why the archer woman in the skimpy outfit? Because my humor, comments and taboo-less discussions can sometimes seem like a sharp arrow at a target. A jab. A negative thing. I apologize in advance for that. I try not to be offensive, but it’s sometimes hard to see where the lines are. I understand that some people are sensitive when it comes to matters of sex and LGBTQ talk. Me being me, and raised in this surrounding, I go all out and don’t hold much back. This may seem insensitive to some people, and I’ve gotten into trouble for it more than once, but those who know me or have gotten to know me know that I mean no disrespect by it. It's hard for people to change who they are and I’m not sure I’d want to change this openness in me. I never talk about LGBTQ things in a pejorative manner. If I talk about gay men in leather, I talk about gay men in leather in a positive way and I don’t see how such a discussion can be negative or should not be talked about (just like I don't see how it would be wrong to talk about straight women in leather). Not talking about it would make it a taboo, and, yeah, you know where I stand on that.

Onto whether or not I have a right to discuss LGBTQ matters: Am I harming LGBTQ people by it? I don't think so. I'm of the belief that the more matters are discussed, the better, especially if things are talked about in a positive light.

As I've said, I am aware that there's a big difference in culture and/or personal opinion when it comes to these things. However, I will still be myself and I can't change my humor. That means I will probably continue to rub people the wrong way in the future. That said, next week is “Twink Week”. Yup, I said it: twink. I can already hear the bones crunching, as I'm pretty sure I'm stepping on some toes, but I’m going to do this in honor of next week’s release, Absolutely Eric. Eric, after all, is a very proud twink and I want to be able to discuss twinks in a positive way, just like "bears" are usually discussed in a positive way. So please, if the word or discussion of twinks offends you, you may want to stay away from this site next week, since I have fellow authors stopping by to discuss twinks. If you don’t mind the discussion then come on over and make yourself comfortable :)

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